A good new year to everybody. Shame and guilt have wracked my being for the longest time – very much like the feeling a deer gets when he’s trapped in full glare, when everyone, including the occasional driver, is screaming for her to get out of the way before the fatal strike. Well I’ll jump into the loop while the swinging arms are still strong. Forgive my long absence everyone. I’ve been in the wilderness for the longest while. I say wilderness because I’ve been so heartbroken over the past few months. Most things I held to be true have come crashing down in a violent flash flood carrying with it some of the structure I had since built. but leaving the foundation firmly intact. People I held in the highest esteem have been shown to me as shells even more desperate than I. Some of my closest friends have been found not to be whom they seem. Rather than feel indignant at this discovery, or be puffed up with self-righteousness, my despondency has arisen from the realization of our vulnerability as humans. We are so frail! The tragic thing is we think we are invincible, that we can do it all – and we can! – but not when we choose to be self-absorbed, choose to use other people for our own needs instead of working with them as a team, and when desperate times befall us, largely a culmination of our lust for life, greed and selfishness, we enslave ourselves to forces we have no business affiliating with. More and more each day I am reminded of my fragility and the need to depend on the one who truly has my back no matter what the circumstance, God, my foundation upon whom I strive to build.
I know I sound rather cryptic but this missive is more of me thinking out loud to myself and bouncing it off of your crania. Frieda does that to me a lot so I suppose some her eccentricities must have rubbed off on me. I have missed you lot. I look forward to more therapeutic sessions with you. Have a great weekend everybody.