Armageddon

A good week to my good people on the net. I hope everyone had a great weekend. It’s night time here and I’m just licking my wounds from a weekend long battle with my girlfriend through absolutely no fault of mine. And no, I am not taking advantage of the fact that she’s not here to defend herself to try and drag you to my side of this tug of war game. I’m just trying to lay it out as objectively as I can and leave it to you good people to judge. Truth be told, this is one of my very rare chances of getting back at her – she always has to win in all the arguments and fights we have. When I am at fault, and believe me, I hear no end of it, I apologize. When she is at fault, and she finally sees the error of her ways, she apologizes, and then I apologize for hurting her feelings! I have since learnt never to attempt to win an argument in a verbal swordplay with the woman, especially when she’s your significant other. She’ll duck, dive, shout, weave, feign, stab, sneak, double cross, cry, ‘hurt’, shift the goal post, mess with your head – anything at all to be ahead of the game and make you feel you’re the worst bully or dolt in the world and make you see how vulnerable she is. Well my dear, this is my riposte – my pen triumphing over your swordy tongue, in a place where you can’t touch me! Hehehe! Don’t worry baby, you know I love you.

What happened? Absolutely nothing that I can call my fault except for her extremely intelligent over analytic mind that on the one hand has helped me surmount huge obstacles with relative ease and on the other, sees conspiracies where there is none especially where it comes to the womenfolk. Okay, so I made a call to a friend in the middle of the night at about 3:30am and some stupid demon decided to choose that very time for her to call me and get a busy tone – no, I’m not saying you were influenced by the Devil to call me o! Before I go and add that one to my many sorrows. I was bored, couldn’t sleep, didn’t feel like reading or watching TV or surfing the net so I called my female buddy that I have known for four years now. We usually hang out and while one or two things may have happened between us in the past, we still got back on track and have been fast friends ever since and I told her so! Did she want to hear that? Oh noooo! “Kalu, I know you mean well and everything and your mind is open and all and I know -if you know what’s good for you - you wouldn’t do anything funny behind my back but what if there’s a teeny weeny longing for her buried deep in your subconscious? Do you realize cheating is not just sexual? There’s also emotional cheating as well.” At this point I just blinked and stared at her. There are some things my simple man mind just can’t comprehend. “I mean you guys have been close all this while so there must be some bond between you two (which I mean to break! – interpretation)”. Then here’s her next line of attack. “Besides I’m a woman and I know what we women can be like. You don’t know if she has designs on you and has been wanting to have you for keeps. Women can be very patient you know; they are capable of any kind of machinations and can blend into anything you want them to be just to get their hooks into you.” Now can you imagine what would happen if we were to have an argument about who has the right of way on a particular matter and I were to quote this very statement she made? Bloody hell! Burnt food for the rest of the day plus I wouldn’t be served; I’d have to go to the kitchen and get it myself. That’s not all o! Oh, I’m loving this!

I spent the best part of the day AND night trying to pacify her and eventually went to the sitting room to watch my favourite TV series, CSI Vegas. I was in the middle of the show when she came out to begin making hints at having make up sex. Perfect timing! I gave her mine too! I told her I wanted to finish what I was watching first. The result? Cold war III, series II! We didn’t speak to each other for the best part of the next day until the evening when we finally talked, apologized to one another and then uh hum, uh hum! The rest of what happened you do not need to know, thank you!

I find the battle of the sexes to be one the true spices of romance in a spousal relationship, rather like sibling rivalry where each party loves to hate, hates to love, hates to hate and loves to love one another – I love it! I celebrate the romance( even though I’d die before I’ll call myself romantic), fights, make ups, talks, the highs and lows and challenges in a relationship especially when each party is committed to seeing it work, love and have a mutual respect for one another. The tremendous benefit this adds to both people’s personality and character is unquantifiable and there is no limit to what they can achieve as a team if they set their minds to it. Families that sprout from such unions will invariably be very stable, cohesive and unified. This one’s for you baby; I love you; you’re the best. Have a great week everybody!