Friday, June 17, 2011

Too Sexy Two!

Hello once again and a good week to everybody! Ehen, where was I? hurim hurim hurim… yes! So I went to take my solo shots while my lady finished up her makeup. When I finished those, I changed into a pair of jeans and rolled them up to my calves. I also changed into a short sleeved shirt as our concept demanded but not before I had completed three sets of twelve push up repetitions in the hope that my heaving chest and brawny arms would steal the show, until she floated in.

She was wearing nothing except for a white muslin loincloth and her hands over her breasts. The skimpy clothing rode above her hips but surprisingly, there were no essentials visible to the sight except for part of her pert bottom. She came in with three handmaidens, actually it was the makeup artist, Tyna and the assistant director, who flitted about her as if to protect her modesty, and the essentials from any risk of being bared. I just stood back waiting, like a king waiting for his dinner, wondering how long it would take for those fences to come crashing down. She walked very well, head held high atop a slender neck, straight shoulders and back almost immobile while her long duiker legs floated before her with the practised step of the runway model that she was, oblivious to all around her. She came up and stood beside me, and there we stood, two gladiators in an arena.

She smelled nice, and shy. I know it’s weird but uncertainty does have a smell, not at all unpleasant, especially when it is unencumbered by alienating agents like perfumes, deodorants and soap. It can only be detected up close but becomes more palpable when two people have just disrobed before one another for the first time, each one unsure of how the other views them stripped of all armour. This earthy aroma, devoid of any pretence, and aided by body heat, radiates to fill up the personal space around both parties, leaving the skin contracted by goose pimples from the sudden loss of heat. it seldom is the same afterwards. I put my hand on the small of her back, a gesture to reassure her that I wasn’t an ogre. Tyna gave a thumbs up sign that all was set for work and we began the shoot. That was when the nightmare began.

I had carried milady before, playfully, when we were clothed, just to test her weight, and she was a breeze, weighing just over 50kg – I could handle that. This time, however, when the director gave the signal, and I swept her up in my arms with a flourish, her palms still pasted over her glands, and I, standing proudly with my weightless cargo waiting to be blinded by a sudden flurry of flashes, stared bemused as the assistant ran up to us, my arms beginning to strain. She took her time in arranging my colleague’s arms, making sure her breasts were covered and then told me I was lifting her too high, I should lower my arms a little. I did, and that when the strain really began. A few snapshots went off before the director, Tyna, lowered her camera and told me my face was too relaxed, I should strain it a little more. Wasn’t that the whole point of it, to be the strong soldier carrying a damsel in distress effortlessly? “Nope,” they said, “we want you looking strained, and we want it to show on your face.” Another round began, each time the sadists came at us, primping us this way and that until even my lady shed all attempts at decorum and left it to the hardworking loincloth to hold the rest of the fort. The worst was yet to come.

After a period of about thirty minutes, which felt like ten times that, my arms, especially the right, were aching and had begun to quiver from exhaustion when they suddenly gave way and milady stumbled onto the floor. Instinctively I reached out to her, both to steady her and to cover her modesty – there were two other men in the room – when everyone began laughing. Wondering what they were laughing at, I looked down and saw that her hands had ‘made’ it to her breasts right underneath mine! I was horrified at the implication. Quickly I protested my innocence; I was merely trying to protect her, but from the ‘knowing’ looks and smiles of my tormentors, men and women alike, I was fighting a losing battle. The guys’ smiles said, “we’re not judging you man, we understand perfectly”; the women’s, including mine truly, as she looked up at me, smiling in resigned amusement “men will always be men, no matter the shroud”.

Here ends my lofty tale. We had another session after that where she was completely nude and we were both doused in so much powder; I was shirtless and hid behind her and so didn’t even have to suck my tummy in! What I did come away with were very aching arms and a very sore elbow from propping myself up on it and trying to look like I was in love. Suffice it to say that I told Tyna that from the experience, I had perished any thought of pursuing a modelling career. There you have it folks, laugh all you want, I am not perturbed; I have exorcised my demons as far as I’m concerned. Have a great weekend everyone! Thank you for helping me complete this second part of my post! XOXO


  1. I have laughed so much, wonder when we'll be seeing the pictures...

  2. Hi Kalu,
    I'm an avid reader of your blog.
    Initially I come to your blog to find out what you've been up to but the more I visit, the more I came to realize that you are very good at narrating events and stories. You write in such a way that your readers don't have to stress their imaginations too much :-). I'm a voracious reader and have read lots of authors both African and Western. Based on this I can confidently say that I can tell a good writer when I see one. You will make a good writer if only you will have the time to write a book. And if you do I can promise that I would not only come to your book launch, I will also be the first to buy your book cos I believe I will enjoy reading you.
    Do give it a thought and keep blogging (word not known).
    Remain Blessed.

    PS: So why don't you??

  3. Lol...You were trying to be a gentleman.:)Whenever I'm about to read your new post, i get so excited.I wish I was a good story teller like youself.Keep doing your thing!you are the best!

  4. I can't stop laughing, i tried to be a gentle lady and not torment you further. It was one of the funniest photo session i have had in my studio so far.We had fun at your expense i must confess.I will like to do it again when your six packs are in place please don't keep me waiting for too long. I enjoy reading your blog and am happy to have you as a friend.

  5. Hi K, This is very funny! I must confess, I like your kind of work. Okay let me put it this way, Tyna (above) please I need a photo session too, with super model, lol. This really sound like fun according to Kalu´s narration. Nice write up as usual and "we" hope to see the photos someday.

  6. Lol!!!!!

    You always make me laugh. Loved this blog but then I always love all your write ups. Now to work, since it appears that your 'unwritten' book is already in popular demand, can I work with you to get one out?

    Think about it.

  7. Kalu, thanks for sharing! So awesome, I was seriously loling with this one. Keep it up.

  8. ..I am so jealous!!...

  9. This my first time time of visiting your blog. The way you narrated this reminds me of Chimamanda Adichie's purple hibiscus.U'll make such a good writer, why dont you give it a try.

  10. You are hilarious Mr. It's always rejuvenating reading your posts.

  11. Pretty please...Can I maary u after my fiancee.....polyandry, polygamy, same difference....I could do with some of these extra sort intelligent humor...I am still on the floor..laughing my behind off


  12. LMAO!!! OMG! This is so funny! Please where can we view those pictures? Haha!!

    Muse Origins (formerly The Corner Shop)

  13. Wow. I must say- I love your command of English. Its soooo polished. I love the way you mix words. My favourite sentence was ''I know it’s weird but uncertainty does have a smell, not at all unpleasant, especially when it is unencumbered by alienating agents like perfumes, deodorants and soap.'' ...A friend just recommended your blog to me & wow! You did a fantastic job! It was a funny piece as well..:)..:D

  14. I can not wait to see the You are an amazing writer and you guide your readers along with you. You sir are truly multi-talented and you should never let any of your talents dim. More grease