Wednesday, May 20, 2009

A Note of Celebration

A joyful good week to everyone. Thank you for the wonderful response to last week’s posting. It was heart warming to know that quite a number of us are committed to positive change in ourselves and in our society at large – and it must happen. Let those at the helm of affairs of our beloved nation feel they can get away with anything. Let them also know that the wily crab may saunter through seven rivers and seven streams as many times as it likes but it will one day surely end up in the old woman’s soup pot! This week is dedicated to the most wonderful group of peoples on earth – us singles!

For too long we have been made to apologize for our status, and oh what an emboldened status that is made to be, glaring for all to see! How many times have we been forced to watch as exaggerated directions to unsure destinations are given with only the left hand? That, at best, lacklustre gold band is never ever a blur but always pauses midway in our line of vision as the director ‘tries’ to recollect his/her sense of direction. Or is it the new fad ‘those’ people have adopted; to always use photographs of themselves with the results of their bedroom antics as their profile pictures? If their lives are so honky dory then why don’t they post pictures of themselves spanking their kids for smashing in an expensive television set or for using an entire bottle of expensive perfume to give the dog a scented bath? How many times have we been regaled with lethargic tales of errant children involved in one fight or the other, have a habit of constantly falling ill or refuse to eat certain meals and so on and so forth by parents who intermittently sneak surreptitious glances at us to spy our reactions? They, at children’s birthday parties, brag about their child’s academic brilliance and model behaviour only to scuttle off with shocked looks and embarrassed smiles towards the very child when he stomps on and rips apart another child’s picture book leaving the offended child howling in dismay. How long do we have to put up with it I say? I have thought long and hard over this ‘stigma’ and concluded that we must be happy with ourselves as we are. In so doing I have also come up with a brilliant plan!

I propose that during our, very brief, period of meditative solitude that we become intimate and seek companionship with the one person with whom we never, or should I say rarely fight with, never lets us down, whom we underestimate the most, is always there for us, loves us for whom we are and ALWAYS wants the best for us – our own Self! No, think about it guys! Self is the most appropriate companion to take out on a dinner date at minimal cost and very little squabble regarding what choice of meal to pick in the menu. Cinema? No problem, the decision as to what genre of movie to watch is arrived at in record time. I’m of the strongest opinion that Self is a most suitable companion to live with as he/she understands what the domestic economic situation is and would readily tighten or loosen the financial belt as the occasion dictates. We are not bashful in front of Self and are free to run naked, wild and free in front of him/her with careless abandon. We must remember though, that amiable and/or heated discussions with Self are best kept private as undiscerning folks might misconstrue the integrity of our mental health. When we, out of curiousity, desire to put a face to Self in a tete a tete with him/her then we can always employ the use of the mirror and all of Self’s features will be revealed, stark and clear! What have I left out on the capabilities of Self? Ah yes, sex, good old sex! Well Self is certainly not to be undone here as many a man or woman will attest to. I’m sure I speak for many when I say and maintain that Self, unless we choose to lie about it, had intimate knowledge of us before anyone else did. Who better then to come back to than our first love? And if hitherto, owing to a stunted imagination, prior experiences were limited to confused fumbling in the dark, then now’s the appropriate time to invest in various worded and visual literature on the matter. I tell us that by the time we’ve spent significant time with Self we will be so in tune with him/her that we will be a shining lighthouse for all to see and gravitate towards. If a madman digs at a rubbish heap ardently and consistently long enough, ‘normal’ people will begin to crane their necks to see what it is he’s digging for.

The objective, I believe, is not to pursue marriage with the institution of marriage but to seek the individual with whom we will be happy with in the institution of marriage – no compromise. Let us be happy and content with ourselves and others will be happy with us. A wonderful week to the most wonderful people on earth and well, everyone else!


  1. "If a madman digs at a rubbish heap ardently and consistently long enough, ‘normal’ people will begin to crane their necks to see what it is he’s digging for"...LOL

    Well, I hear you! I'm married, and loving it...that's not to say marriage hasn't got it's attendant challenges...but it's beautiful all the same, if you've got the right partner, like I do...

    I agree with the points u make concerning self being the best partner, but as u also rightly pointed can't "publicly" discuss/have an interesting conversation with yourself...neither can u procreate with urself...

    It's important to love and respect oneself and see urself as whole/complete alone, rather than rely on another to complete us...this way, marriage becomes a union of 2 whole and complete people, rather than a merging of two halves...I was thinking of doing a post on the wholeness/completeness of oneself...this is a good heads up for me,

  2. First here yippeee!

    Preach on bro!hey, you should write a book someday:-)



  5. True talk! Good yarn !

    i find this SELF thing quite interesting and thought provoking K. u broke it down to the marrows for us singles! The only thing I cant accomplish yet is talking to the mirror. I talk out loud to myself but anytime I try the mirror I look so silly talking that I just burst out laughing!

    And ur ‘objective’ for marriage is true, except the ‘no compromise’ part… There’s no such thing as a perfect man or woman, there will always be something about you that must ‘give’ to achieve the best in any successful relationship… marriage especially!

    Oh, and pls (justdoyin) lets know when this post comes out, would like to read it…

    Look forward to ur next post. tot’lly enjoying them

  6. hey K, was in a hurry and got off track with the objective of marriage...

    "...not to pursue marriage with the institution of marriage but to seek the individual with whom we will be happy with in the institution of marriage – no compromise"

    u are absssssssssssolutely correct! And i repeat after compromiseeeeee!!!!

  7. i think i need a translator!!
    k, your piece was a tad 'text-booky' but i thoroughly enjoyed it.
    ''... seek the individual...
    does that mean till u grow grey?? trust me, our nigerian parents keep preaching get somthing done before time runs out. 'you are not getting any younger you know?' sound familiar anyone??

  8. I don't understand why people are so quick to jump into marriage... is it a race? I've always enjoyed my own company and never understood why u need someone to go to the cinema with when you sit there in silence anyway.

    I must say I don't like to eat out alone because even in my house I can't just eat alone I find it boring... I have to be doing something else as well as eating... LOL

  9. Being single should be celebrated, just like Valentines day...I think someone should come come up with a Single's Day theme probably a day before or after Valentines day....this way the single ones don't feel left out....have a nice day everyone:)

  10. Wonderful! Thanks for advocating for us single and satisfied people! Parents and friends will never ask one to compromise their education, job, personal safety, integrity etc; however, some think that it is okay to ask for one to compromise their personal happiness just so they can see a bow attached to the box that is one's they can feel they've truly completed their job as parents by seeing their child into a home, wife/husband, kids, dog in tow.

    It is not always that neat and simple. People who hold off on marriage to explore themselves, to seek the person that will be a true companion, partner, friend...what I have coined as a hubbyloverfriend...should be celebrated, should be encouraged because it is EASY to jump into a marriage BUT getting out of it is tantamount to gaining permanent residency in Hades. It is easy to get married but even harder to take a good, hard look at oneself and access if one is a suitable companion for another.

    Great job on this write up!!! Here's to sticking it out, fending off pressures and waiting for God's appointed time because the grass isn't always greener on the otherside.


  11. Thanks Kalu for all your advice. I am taking me out to a restaurant this weekend and getting the best table.

    I love your blog,

    you are so inspiring.


  12. *round of applause* @ Ebbe...

    You have spoken very well.

    I see nothing depressing about being single and resent people trying to make me feel like I should be sad and desperately seeking.

  13. True word Kalu. But honestly, going to weddings as a singleton is the pits.

  14. hey Kalu,
    I'm new to your blog and I have to say that so far it has been really insightful and refreshing Keep up the good work.

    Yes now I'm done gushing over you skills as a wordsmith-in-training i will get to my initial intent to comment lol. I believe that you can be single and not be lonely yes in the relationship sector you are "alone" but if you are content and happy in your own skin you will not be lonely (all the time). Confidence in self and contentment in spirit is a cause for celebration for singles and none-singles.
    You only have one life to live so share it with the right person, for the right reasons and in the right situation.