Friday, March 30, 2012

The Wilderness

A good new year to everybody. Shame and guilt have wracked my being for the longest time – very much like the feeling a deer gets when he’s trapped in full glare, when everyone, including the occasional driver, is screaming for her to get out of the way before the fatal strike. Well I’ll jump into the loop while the swinging arms are still strong. Forgive my long absence everyone. I’ve been in the wilderness for the longest while. I say wilderness because I’ve been so heartbroken over the past few months. Most things I held to be true have come crashing down in a violent flash flood carrying with it some of the structure I had since built. but leaving the foundation firmly intact. People I held in the highest esteem have been shown to me as shells even more desperate than I. Some of my closest friends have been found not to be whom they seem. Rather than feel indignant at this discovery, or be puffed up with self-righteousness, my despondency has arisen from the realization of our vulnerability as humans. We are so frail! The tragic thing is we think we are invincible, that we can do it all – and we can! – but not when we choose to be self-absorbed, choose to use other people for our own needs instead of working with them as a team, and when desperate times befall us, largely a culmination of our lust for life, greed and selfishness, we enslave ourselves to forces we have no business affiliating with. More and more each day I am reminded of my fragility and the need to depend on the one who truly has my back no matter what the circumstance, God, my foundation upon whom I strive to build.

I know I sound rather cryptic but this missive is more of me thinking out loud to myself and bouncing it off of your crania. Frieda does that to me a lot so I suppose some her eccentricities must have rubbed off on me. I have missed you lot. I look forward to more therapeutic sessions with you. Have a great weekend everybody.


  1. Hmm... I take it that I'm not the only one whom 2012 started off with a bang for...

    But, through it all, God dey and his will and his will alone will be done.

  2. Hey Kalu! Yes o e don you have also been disappointed by a close friend. It is truly a heart breaking experience. While I realize we are all vulnerable and no one is perfect I decided to desist from doing what I have always done;make excuses for people. My friend did me wrrong....we will see what happens in the future. But I am definitely wiser. Uhm guess I juist turned ur blog to my therapy couch as well oya now Kalu, its group therapy time lol you first! Till next time......(I miss ur regular days...every tuesday abi na thursday? Ud post stuff...see? Its been so long I don't even remember the exact date....tuesday. Tuesday tonic? I am unsure lol

  3. Hiiii!!! Hmmm... One of the reasons I love reading your blog is because u speak from the heart...and ur mood rubs off on us most time. But, that's really life for u. Am glad u know there's no one u can depend on excerpt Baba God and 'cos He's always got ur back He'll pull u through this one like he has pulled u through others.

    Guess u're forgiven for staying off so long.But forgiven as u are, don't keep away this long ever! ever! ever!...Lol! Cheers!

  4. The best of us happens to be 'human' and we cannot but be that. So whatever it is that life offers us,we should keep our 'heads up high'. Its the only way to survive in this race called life. And when we fall,we stand again and give up not. If we remain on the ground,others would go on with the race without us,and at worst,we get strampled upon.....i have learnt to make sweet lemonade out of bitter-lemon..we all should...

  5. Is a wicked world na......pple always leave....been in ur situation b4 so I tink I can relate 2 wia ur coming 4rm...jst know dat in d end or in d last scene u have jst urself