Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Cassandro!

A pretty week to all. This is Kalu calling for the umpteenth and repeated time. In vain do you cast charmed circles around… Don’t mind me! I just remembered Wole Soyinka’s famous poem ‘Abiku’, which I did in secondary school about the errant arrogant child changeling that comes to torment its mother in repeated cycles of births and subsequent deaths. Don’t ask me why I thought of this little poem of all times in my life ‘cause I don’t know. Oh maybe it’s to do with the endemic corruption that’s threatening to grind this beloved country of ours to a halt. I had a horrible day yesterday. Well not so horrible; the first half was fine. Did my workout, prayed and went about my business for the day and when I was done, went about looking for petrol for my thirsty Betty. Hardly any petrol station was selling fuel and the ones that did had mile long queues trailing behind them and causing traffic snarl ups. I joined one of them with the intention of filling up my tank and a twenty five litre jerry can in my boot. After about three hours I managed to get fuel but managed to fill my jerry can three quarters of the way – for the same amount of money I would normally fill my tank AND my jerry can with! It was painful – still is. Bit like flushing one’s hard earned money down the drain in a country that’s the eighth or ninth largest oil producer in the world.

The situation in this country is becoming unbearable and what makes it even more annoying is that no one heeded my suggestions in my earlier posts on ways to deal with this prevalent problem. I cried, shouted, begged to no avail. Everyone thought I was talking rubbish, until now. I have now become like Cassandra of the Greek mythology whom Apollo, the god of the sun had cursed after she’d repeatedly spurned his love advances. She would be able to see the future but no matter how much she cried and clamoured, no one would believe her. I’m Cassandro on two counts.

Firstly, did I not, in ‘A River Runs Through It’ suggest that we patriotic Nigerians, and in legion, go to the central corridors of power of the country and empty our bladders and offend them into action with the stench of their corruption? Did I not? We would not be here now if we did as I bid. Secondly, did I not, in em - bo! I can’t remember which post - did I not beg for support in joining me to ask Frieda to let me buy a motorbike. Not a sports bike but a touring one. Would I be bothering myself with the fuel scarcity going on now? I’d be riding free as the bird without a care in the world. What Betty uses in a day my new girlfriend would use in a month! But noooo, you lot just had to focus on the dangerous side of an only ten percent accident rate that occurs among bikers! As if I’m a teenager who perpetually throws caution to the wind. Indeed! But, all is not lost; I’m a very reasonable man who understands that people do err when they don’t see the big picture. So now, with the current and likely chronic fuel crisis, can you dump Frieda’s wagon and get on mine and try to convince her to let me get a bike so I can discharge my pressing duties with ease. I love her and do intend sticking around for a while so I’m not going to be reckless. Remember, one good turn deserves another!

I’ll quickly post this and rush off to Maryland (Lagos) to see my colleague and friend and get some black market fuel for the day – hint, hint! Have a great week nevertheless everyone!

11 comments:

  1. I can see you have been pointing fingers abi? well you still never said what you wanted for easter. Before going to wee at the corridors of power make sure you have a very good lawyer that isn't working for the govt there are few,lots of money for bail and never ending court case, hey wrong approach lets vote for someone we know can do it though you never can be too sure of anyman the Bible says the heart of man is desperately wicked and pray that power does not corrupt him/her when there. And for those of us that are short sighted i have suggested you get yourself a skateboard or roller skates i will of course ask if Frieda minds if she does then get a very good pair of trainers and you are off!it is me again your dear friend :) love to Frieda.

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  2. Seems like this fuel scarcity is never ending. I support you in your quest for getting a bike. So that in one vote here... although perhaps you should get a bicycle LOL That is a great source of exercise as well... You will never have to watch what you eat again!

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  3. So the fuel scarcity goes on? Oh well, use the money that would go towards buying the bike and save it for more of the precious fluid yeah? LOL..

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  4. last summer fuel scarcity hit Georgia, come see people dey vex no be small...i jejely join line fill my tank. yankee people and their smeh-smeh.

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  5. i share ur sentiments on dis country's situatn. Getn a byke sounds like fun.

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  6. i share ur sentiments on the situatn of fings in dis country. Geting a byke does sound like fun.

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  7. God save and bless Nigeria

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  8. lmao.funny post.still no bike for u.

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  9. Kalu, I am with you. So when are we heading to Aso-Rock?

    But come o, do you have a bulletproof vest for all of us? lol.

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  10. lol i read abiku too only not wole soyinkas' but JP clarks' version (a fav poem of mine).
    anyhoo my stance on the bike matter remains unchanged................MBA! lol
    as for the plan to go take a piss in the corridors of power...................i say you be our leader, lets mobilize all blogsville members in nigeria with excellent streaming none of that dribbling or weak strength in the spray to go and take a leak..literarily... in abuja lol hahhahahaha ok its no laughng matter (contrite look) something needs to be done asap.

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  11. The bike???? Well a bicycle would save you a lot of trouble and I'm sure Frieda has no problem with it And if you really have to buy a bike, you MUST buy VERY good life insurance so you won't leave beloved Frieda in debt trying to clean up your mess.

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