Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Who's Laughing Now?

A good week to everybody! I am just starting to recover from the awful experiences of jet lag. The experience for me is horrendous! I have slept like an absolute fool! Every time I travel across a time zone as marked as six hours and above, I get knocked out for at least two days. It is very confusing to me! It was for this very reason that I refused to watch any movie on the on board entertainment for the entire duration of the flight from Lagos to New York. The seats were business class seats and reclined to full beds so I slept soundly. Why then is the jet lag demon still pursing me?! In spite of that, I’ve managed to do two Damage movie premieres in New York and in Minneapolis, I have made time to enjoy my beloved American meal; medium done steak and garlic flavoured mashed potatoes and broccoli, twice!

I did not come without a plan though. You see, tasty as American foods are, they come with a hefty price attached. Not the price tag, if it were I’d be much relieved; it is the cloying stodgy weight it piles on that is the terror of many, even highly strung children. My plan was to jog every morning for at least four miles and finish it with a punishing regime of a hundred sit ups. To my pleasure, the next morning, even as the first rays of the morning peeped through the curtains, a quick succession of knocks rapped at the door jarring the last vestiges of my dream away. I stumbled to the door to open up to a diminutive Tonto staring up at me in her jogging suit. In a panic I asked her if she’d already gone jogging but she said no, to my relief, she just came to know if I would like to go jogging with her. Thus began my partnership which soon swelled with the inclusion of Moses and three days later, after torrents of excuses of not having appropriate sporting clothing and not having the time to go to the stores to buy some, Uche. There is an adage to encourage people who lag behind in different endeavours; the one who walks will finally get to the same destination as the one who runs. I saw the literal meaning of the proverb when Uche came huffing and puffing up the hill thirty minutes after we’d reached our agreed end point, the first and only day she joined us. Her ready excuse, three minutes after she caught her breath, was that according to her fitness instructor, heavy hipped women were not supposed to run. A likely tale.

What I have revealed here is true. If Uche likes, she can come and refute it in her typically boisterous manner. I will also admit that this is my way of getting back at her for broadcasting to even deaf buildings what a terrible dancer I am. Could anything be more preposterous?!! The painful thing is that people have actually begun to believe it. Well, the buck stops right here! I have taken the pains to show a smidgen of my dancing prowess by adding an excerpt from a video chronicling our Damage movie premiere tour of the United States. This one was recorded at the Mall of America, Bloomington, Minnesota. Please feel free to give me your unbiased feedback and put my ‘haters’ to shame!

Have a great weekend everyone!

(To view the video, visit my facebook fanpage -


  1. Chai!!! Kalu o, I agree with Mosneeze, you are an absolute disgrace. What was that horrid excuse for dance moves you were doing?

    Ewoo, please use your time in the U.S. wisely and enroll in a crash dance program. Even if na only one dance step them go fit teach you e go better, lol.

    Can't wait to see y'all in two days.

    P.S: thanks for replying my tweets now (lol)

  2. lmao seems Uche is a hoot!! (Missed commenting on my fav blog damn you blackberry for making it so hard for me to, trust i have been reading)
    Off to go watch the video.........aint no shame though if you suck at dancing, i will say the more you dance the better you get......My dance moves brings all the guys to the yard, yeah right its better than yours Kalu, i could teach you but i've got to charge *kelis milkshake voice* lmao

  3. LMAo, ah ah! I knew there had to be a reason as to why I always end up huffing and puffing after attempting to run,; "attempting" being the operative word. Uche has cleared my mind and brain on that now...Please give her my thanks....too bad the video is not loading...*stupid chinese internet!*

  4. I agree with Uche, you are a terrible dancer Kalu but it's ok. you can't get everything. And oh, you guys should consider coming to Seattle, WA and join in on the African Pageant- November 19th. I really hate begging but I am on my knees. lol


  5. If anything...i believe Uche will always remain Uche! me..she owes no one an apology...and that theory about hip(ful) women not jogging?..she might be right..the more they run..the more that particular arear is ....well....and please can someone tell me why Uche has not played the role of Joke Silver's daughter?..those two look alike-anger,smile,tears,shape of face,smily i love those two!