Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Sampling Tour

Good week everybody! Yes I’m okay and yes , I am still in the good ole US of A. I’m back to Minnesota. Ha ha ha! I’ve been stalling for time regarding what to write. This is actually exactly two hours since I wrote the second sentence of this post. I was contemplating whether to write about my trip, alongside some friends, to a strip club last week. Yep, the girls were lovely and yes, I did get a lap dance but that is a story for another day. I know my beloved brother Obasi and my darling sis-in-law Nkiru will probably read this and roll their eyes at this black sheep of the family – and I really am! I have done things that the rest of my family would keel over if they heard but an iota of what I’ve done - but hey, I am what I am.;I love adventure. Best part of it was that Frieda was right there beside me watching my leering grin as I ogled the bare necessities of the chocolate siren writhing all over me smelling so nice even though she wore little or no perfume… but, that’s a story for another day. Come to think of it, she has never really told me what she thought of my being entertained by such vivacious ladies apart from the curious amused wonder I caught in her eyes when I momentarily flashed a glance in her direction just in case a missile came hurtling my way from that angle. I feel I may have clinched a deal for a boys’ night out, but I fear it may just be wishful thinking yet.

The Damage premiere tour is finally over here in the US and it’s been such a relief that it has gone very well. It has been a nerve wracking three weeks for me especially since it has been one of the few projects I have truly believed in. I want to thank everyone for their support during this tour, especially Nkem, of course, Nollywoodreinvented, CHI_SOM and every one of my readers. You have been fantastic all you! Now I’m embarking on another one here which I am having to write and act in as well. It is about another social issue; dealing with betrayal and HIV. That is the most I will talk about the project for now until I see it talking shape in the direction I want it to go – make I no go fall my hand. What I will talk about is my newfound freedom; the freedom to jog where I please!

I now have the luxury to jog where I please; nice pavements on which I can jog without being knocked down by veering danfos (commercial mini buses) and snarling okadas (commercial motorcycles). I don’t get stopped by passersby who demand to know why I am being so mean to ‘Angela’. Can’t I just go and die somewhere in peace? Or why I have to act the role of a debauched reverend father and besmirch the image of the Catholic Church, do I want to go to hell? Or well meaning citizens who, never mind that that I’m jogging to burn fat, ask me to kindly tell them what happened in the sequel of a movie of mine they’d just watched. Here I jogged with free abandon, almost too free. Yesterday I happened to discover a jogging trail not too far from my hotel and enthusiastically went down to try it out. It is already deep autumn here, you in America prefer to call it fall, but the bite of winter is already setting in as is clearly evident in the trees already being stripped of their leaves giving the area a very somber look. I had not gone far down the slope I was jogging before I realized I was well alone on a lonely trail with desolate woods and brackish marshy ponds on either side of me. Images of the Crime & Investigation television network I love watching in Nigeria came flooding back to me. Glancing wildly around me, I half expected a hooded figure streaking out of the woods at me armed with a hatchet or a hammer, or a kindly middle aged man asking if I could assist him with his broken leg, and a kindly prick in the back of my neck, or some nutter taking a pot shot at me from the sanctity of the woods. Prejudiced or not, I quickly unlocked my usually secure phone, ready to dial 911 the second I noticed any funny movement around me and dashed furiously through the grove until I saw with much relief some buildings two minutes later. Suffice it to say I did not go back that way.

Well that is my tale for this week. Fill you up with more later. Have a great week ahead mes amis!


  1. LMAO..I am surprised you didn't mention those who ask what is chasing you or dont you get asked that while jogging in Nigeria?!
    Great to hear a mention of Frieda again. Apparently, she is going very well. Can't wait to hear about this new project.

  2. Congrats to you all on the successful US premieres, I enjoyed the pictures around. Keep up with the jogging as I'm sure you may not be able to continue so much when back in Nigeria.

  3. lmao! how about when you have your boys night out frieda could have her own girls night out and go to a male strip joint and watch her friends or get pummelled in the face with balls (that is if she likes such entertainment lol)
    more black sheep stories please! we need a black sheep chronicles volume 1 to a thousand lol and i wish you succcess in your endeavours.

  4. I enjoyed the movie "damage".I must say,you guys were great!The only thing is, I was disappointed;my dream didn't come true.I drove almost an hour from my city to Stone Mountain Georgia, at the Lion's of Judah theater to see one of my best Nigerian Star to no avail.We waited for you guys until the movie got finish without us seeing any of your shadows.Excellent movie though.At some point, I thought you and Uche were married in real life:).HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT BACK

  5. Hey Kalu,
    I often read your blog but never leave a comment, and decided to do so today, because your blog is able to consistently bring laughter to my lips.

    I think it is amazing that Frieda was comfortable enough in her own femininity, and confident enough to not only attend the strip club with you, but not object to you getting a lap dance. Now, as a woman myself, I don't know if I would be comfortable with the lap dance part, but attending a strip club with my partner, is not something I would rule out.

    I am not sure if Frieda is Nigerian. If she is, it is refreshing to see a Nigerian lady as open minded as she is with your latest escapade =).

    Your blog is such a pleasure, and so much more insightful into who you are then simply a facebook page, or a tweet. Please keep it up.

    Many of us are reading, and not commenting (like myself, until now)

    From K,

    the ivy leaguer from Boston (we had chatted about naija independence day 2010 before via phone..not sure if your remember!)

  6. Hmmmmmmm,quite entertaining and interesting...maybe u should be a tales-by-internet(of course no moonlight) story teller...d way u were going on n on..one would think you were not ready to stop!..like i said...detailed-except for those missing lines....u knw?-..n interesting!

  7. I got to read the blog today and as usual, I ended up laughing. Keep writing.